Review of Mint Julep

OK so two months later, after viewing my video by Craig Newman, and photos by Rachael Shane and Alison Stock I was finally able to say I ROCKED IT! I totally did my best, totally went in there and gave the best performance a newbie, four-month seasoned aerial student could! So let me share with you a few shots :)

AND THEN THE FUN BEGAN.... But truly my face says it all... I had a BLAST!

Jennifer Marion Stinson

So Kiebpoli used my full name in aerial sesch yesterday.... Yikes! LOL Every time I fly I learn something new about myself. Thursday's lesson was I need to watch what the f**k I am doing! When I fly I look down, or at my toes or everywhere else but where exactly I am going. It's a weird kind of "let the muscles just work" type-thing but the beauty of aerial is learning to control your body with your mind and be in control and decide where it is you want to go. Aerial is so much more a mental challenge for me lately. I psych myself out and I'm scared as hell to just USE my left side/my "broken side". Is it the strength I'm missing- maybe? Is it the control- eh? Is it the awkward uncomfortable feeling of having to rely on it- YUPP probably that :) and K knows it. She pushes me right out of my comfort zone and it's freakin scary and awesome. Jennifer Marion Stinson... The dreaded "what the f**k are you actually doing right now" signal. And my lovely responses "I don't know?" "Where is my tail?!" A duhhhhh LOL. Being upside down wrapped up and squeezed by a rope high above the ground really does something to the brain and it's functioning I am convinced. Either way I've got a ton of work to do and love every second. Big things coming... Stay tuned for some pics :)

It's a beautiful morning...

Happy Monday bloggers! It's a new week and a gorgeous day is ahead. Birds are chirping, (quite annoyingly as I tried to sleep in a bit today) warm weather, but none the less a day that says "life is good". After a stressful, yet exciting and very emotional weekend of firsts I am happy to be back in my routine. This week I pick up my new prosthetic equipment, go to NYC to see Of Mice and Men with Grammy, Mom and Jessie and have a friend's graduation party on Friday night...good things to come!

I am much more motivated this week to continue my journey with learning aerial. I am so looking forward to my session on Friday! Time for bigger and better things.

What happens next?!

Live theater is live theater, there are no retakes and no redo! My first aerial showcase did not turn out nearly how I had planned it to go. I started strong..... the part I was worried about went flawlessly! I got past my spin and wasn't even half as dizzy and disoriented as I thought. Then I confidently (if I do say so myself) re wrapped into my opposite side dive wrapping instead of my S-wrap. I realized it when my "tail" wasn't where it usually was. "JEN" I heard from the audience and knew immediately it wasn't my group of cheerleaders. Kiebpoli was yelling to alarm me I couldn't continue into my swing or knee hang because I wasn't wrapped right. My brain froze and immediately wanted OUT. As she tried to mouth to me to re-hook my right leg I respond back "WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?" very innocently and the audience roared with laughter. An audience that seemed a little dull and quiet suddenly woke up and there was I hanging in the air pleading for help! Embarrassed is not the word, because I was not embarrassed! I was rocking the performance, I felt good, I looked good (from what I hear) I just got all wrapped up in things- literally! As I safely struggled out of my silks I didn't feel embarrassed, I didn't want to cry I was MAD. I was mad because I knew that part of my piece. I nailed my S wrap better than my opposite side dive (which was by the way the best I had ever rotated around in it). Of all things my S wrap!!! Why?! I went backstage, vented to a group of my super supportive fellow aerialists and said to myself "oh well."

Madeline came backstage and offered me another chance. I immediately said NO. I felt what I left the audience with was a smile, a really good laugh, and I didn't feel I looked stupid or untalented- I just didn't get to finish. I didn't feel the comedic relief my piece left the audience paired nicely with a redo of my more serious, emotional performance. Once the bows were taken everything hit me. I didn't want to go out and face my family and friends. Again, I was not embarrassed I was mad and disappointed that they didn't get to see my skills the way I know I can perform them. I was more mad for them than for me. I know I can do that piece, but I wanted them to know I could. Of course everyone said how great I looked, blahh blahhh blahhhhh. Point of the story, I fucked up!! I FUCKED UP! But hey I recovered and I did not fall and that was my goal from the start- just don't fall!

Afterward one of my favorite new aerial friends, Colleen (who I think had the single best piece in the show) said something to me that literally made me feel like a million dollars.... She had injured her knee after her performance in the first half and was seated the entire show behind stage in a chair elevating her leg with ice on it. She could barely walk on the leg and was clearly in pain. I kept checking on her throughout the night. Anyway- she told me my piece was so beautiful and powerful that she even got up on her leg and limped over to the side to watch me perform- she did not do that for anyone else. I thanked her and it brought a tear to my eyes- literally. Well, this morning about 20 minutes before I am writing this I watched a video on my phone one of the other awesome, spunky girls (Carina) shot for me from backstage (you could see the shadows of the performers and it looked beautiful). Well sure enough, Colleen in the shot and as my performance takes off I can see her get up and cautiously but quickly limp over to the side to watch my piece. WOW. It literally made my entire day and made me feel like I was meant to perform and I will not just give up.

After a fun night out with Kelsey, my new best aerial friend, well no, my genuine new friend! I went home and cried my eyes out- until I fell asleep. "I had that piece, I knew was I was doing, why didn't I try it again" kept replaying in my head. Dan couldn't stress enough how great I looked, how impressive what I did was, etc. he knew all the right things to say. The one that stuck with me was that it was pure inexperience that was my downfall, and it was. It wasn't my lack of skill or abilities it was getting caught up and not knowing enough or performing enough or being in the spotlight enough to know how to recover more gracefully. He is so right. I have been learning aerial for about 2 months (13 hours of private sessions plus whatever few open workouts I attended before the show). Most of these performers have been doing aerial for a year or four! I went out there and sincerely disappointed in myself. I feel like I let my family and friends down. I wanted them to see what I could do. I am still distraught over it. I was disappointed in my performance and feel like I should have just given it another shot when they offered it. I have to just remind myself it's one show, my first show and I went out there and did something I would have never ever done fives years ago, ten years ago, or even last year! I had my leg off in front of more than a hundred people! I got in the air! More importantly I met some really awesome people, genuinely amazing spirited individuals and I wouldn't trade that for anything.

On a side note I am still caught up on how upset I am that I didn't get to finish the piece how I wanted and I feel like I could cry again when I think about it...... "This too shall pass."

Mint Julep Show Info

RECAP- Blogger hiatus!!!

Sorry bloggers- been on quite a hiatus as I have been distracted lately with preparing for my aerial show, a schedule change with my clients, being sick, blahhhhhh. But, NO EXCUSES! I'M BACK :)

So this past weekend has been an "emotional roller coaster" for me as Dan called it (and chuckled).

Friday
I had an Origami Owl jewelery party planned with some great friends/family at my place. I was super excited! I cleaned the apartment (with much help from Dan), bought all my snacks from Trader Joe's, got three different types of wine and was so ready for a fun girls night in.*roller coaster climbs up*
I also had my final private aerial session planned before my show, but I sat in traffic for 1hr and 45mins getting into Brooklyn and missed exactly half of my session! With my show a week and a day away and a change in my choreography I was STRESSED and super bummed *roller coasted quickly plummets* I came home feeling lost, disoriented and totally unsure if I could even perform. After being stressed out from missing my session and exhausted from sitting in traffic my aerial skills were not up to par. I was a nasty mess when I finally got home and complained to Dan about my inability to perform and how I totally suck. *roller coaster comes to complete halt* but I still enjoyed the company of my family/friends at the party.

Saturday
Kentucky Derby day! Dan took me to a nice breakfast (I got eggs and an oatmeal pancake- YUM). *roller coaster re-starts, climbs up, gains some speed* After a haircut and buying a Mother's Day gift we hit the Meadowlands Racetrack. We had never been there before and what a nice surprise! It was clean, had indoor and outdoor seating, food, drink, huge TVs, horse races and best of all FREE T-SHIRTS (I got two!). I ran into my Dad who was also there to bet on the Derby and we grabbed a spot upstairs to place a few bets. I lost one and won one- not too bad for my first time! Winning feels good! *roller coaster climbs a little higher*
OK so I got my nose pierced a few weeks ago and it had developed a gross bump around the gem- whatever, I needed to get it looked at. So after lunch at Panera Bread Dan took me back to the piercing place, Invisible Self Piercing in Lyndhurst. Basically he squeezed the living shit of it, it bled and hurt like hell, my eyes teared but he said it would be totally fine, scab over and heal alright...OUCH *roller coasted takes a tiny speed bumb*
Later that night we went to my Aunt's house to celebrate my cousin's birthday and watch the Derby. I am wiped out, exhausted and not hungry at all. My body aches, I'm freezing cold (I never get cold) and feel so weak. Dan takes me home to rest *roller coaster takes a big drop, one so big it turns my stomach- literally*

Sunday
SICK ALL DAY. Nauseous, tired, weak, can't eat, want to sleep.... I cancelled both my PT clients, couldn't attend the Christening for Dan's cousin and I missed my first aerial dress rehearsal! I was so upset, so sick and had no control over anything. I slept on and off all day and ate a few crackers and a finally a piece of chicken at 6pm, which didn't sit well and I went to bed nauseous again.*roller coaster continues it's descend- what a sucky way to start the new week*
I have never felt so incapable and helpless and I was freaking out about my performance fast approaching.

Monday my stomach bug lingered and I still went to work, but cancelled my PT clients so I could rest in between classes and go home early. I was in bed by 8pm! Tuesday it lingered on, but my mom took great care of me making sure I tried to eat some real food for the first time and drank some Pedialyte for electrolytes. I was attending an aerial rehearsal that night sick or not! I needed my confidence back and I needed to know what I was doing for the show! Dan drove me into Brooklyn for the rehearsal because I was still feeling weak and queasy- he's truly the best and treats me like a total princess :)

At rehearsal I struggled in the beginning, tried a few pieces from my choreography and tried to sneak out without performing in front of the other ladies. They are all much more experienced, poised, and well.... BETTER (or at least that's how I see it)! I feel like the black sheep over here like "help me when I get stuck in the air and can't get out of my wrapping and don't know what to do!".  Well, everyone encouraged me to try my piece to the music.... a big deep breath, music comes on and BAM! Next thing you know I am gliding through, not super confident, but nailing the choreography and feeling the music. I finish with my knee hang drop and the song closes- not finishing my piece with the cross back drop I had planned because I didn't get to it! NO problem there! As I hang upside down in the air I yell out "Done! Can I just end like this?!" and everyone laughs. I struggle to get out of my wrapping, but realized my mistake and Kiebpoli and I decide it's best to leave out the final drop because it's something still new to me and not one of the original pieces she wanted to use for my choreography- I totally agreed. I leave there feeling like I can totally do this.....now practice, practice, practice until show time!!

Not only was the weekend a total emotional roller coaster, but aerial is....every session is so different and I leave feeling so different. It takes me way up and brings me way down but I just have to keep pushing, keep trying, and stay confident! Attitude it everything....I got this! (I think!)

Choreography time....

MAY 10TH!!! My first time performing aerial will be in just a mere 3 weeks- EEEEEK! Today my younger sister and brother went with me to my aerial class, which was the first time I had spectators. Thomas was more than supportive, taking pictures of my lovely facial expressions while learning to spin in the air and perform my full choreography for the first time.                 

Overall it was a super exciting session. My music was chosen and I was more than thrilled with the selection (it's a surprise!). *K and I also went though my choreography so I feel way more secure about what I'm doing. I definitely have a lot of practicing to do, but I am totally confident I can make it work. *K is soooooo super supportive and despite the picture to the right, I "look beautiful in the air." :)

Cookie Monsterrrrr

I LOVE COOKIES! I would rather eat cookies, fro-yo and chocolate for the rest of my life than ever have to eat real food again but that's totally gross and impractical. However, I also love to bake (something I learned from my Mommy!) so I had to figure out a way to bind together health, nutrition and baking sweet treats so BAM my super healthy, high protein, choco-peanut butter cookie!

RECIPE: Again, nothing is exact I kinda add and go but this is what I used...
Pre- heat oven to 350 degrees
1 banana
1 can garbanzo beans (rinsed)
1/2 cup liquid egg whites
Blend these ingredients until smooth and thick- pour into a big bowl. This is your "base" once this is done with the addition of 1 tsp of baking soda and maybe a cup of oats you can pretty much experiment on your own with different flavors!

1/2 cup unsweetened organic apple sauce
2 TB organic natural peanut butter
3 TB organic powdered chocolate- peanut butter powder (Just Great Stuff)
1 cup quick oats
1 1/2 scoop MaxPro protein powder
1 tsp baking soda
Peanut Butter chips from Trader Joe's- sprinkle in a generous amount :)
Mix all this up well. Plop 1 TB sized drops of the dough on a greased cookie sheet. Bake for about 12 minutes or until slightly browned on the edges. Let cool, ENJOY

PIZZA!

 

Who doesn't looooooveee pizza?! Well don't get too excited this isn't going to taste like a real Italiano pie BUT that's not to discredit its deliciousness! This pizza is low carb (complex carb that is) and gluten free. It has a cauliflower crust, which I have experimented and failed many times trying to make. With the help of my awesome boss, Jacqui, I was given a recipe and re-tried and it worked!!! Like everything else, I never follow the recipe exactly. Here's what I did

1 small to medium head of fresh cauliflower- chop off all the florets, get rid of the stems
1 egg- slightly beaten
1 cup low moisture/part skim shredded mozzarella cheese
sea salt, pepper, garlic powder, basil or whatever spices you want to add in for flavor

1.) I first microwaved the florets in a glass bowl for 7 minutes- you want them soft but not too soft and mushy and watery
2.) Let them cool and then put them in a blender or food processor and pulverized into little, tiny, fine "flour-like" crumbles
3.) Pour the cauliflower "flour" in a big bowl and add in the egg, cheese, and spices of your choice (I went with some Himalayan sea salt, pepper, and garlic powder). Mix this together real well using your hands.
4.) I refriderated mine for about 4 hours because I wasn't going to make it until later that night- not too sure this is necessary. I think you can go ahead and cook it!
5.) I put mine in a glass pie dish and spayed it well with some non-stick spray. Press it down evenly. Spray again with non-stick spray and pop in the over 425 degrees for about 15 minutes or until golden brown and starting to harden up,
5.) Let it cool down a bit and then add on your toppings! I did marinara sauce, fresh mozzarella and a little basil. But I have also done veggies too. Be careful though, veggies get heavy on the pizza and the crust is fragile and will break.
6.) Cook the pizza with the toppings at 425 again just until the cheese on top is bubbly and browned. ENJOY.

 PS- Cauliflower crust can be used for more than just pizza. Feel free to comment with any other ideas for it!

I can fly!

Being that I am performing for the first time on May 10th in Brooklyn, NY and therefore must write a 50 word bio about myself for the show program, I thought it be fitting that I introduce to you what introduced the idea of aerial acrobatics to me......

Acrobatics has always fascinated me. I will never forget seeing Cirque du Soleil for the very first time when I was about 12. My Grandma Sandy and Papa John took me and I remember leaving there speechless. The whole ride home I was quiet, the wheels in my mind turning. All I could daydream about was what my life would be like if I was as talented and special as all those individuals. I wanted to hold the power to make people feel exactly how I felt at that exact moment- moved and astounded. At that time in my life I had no grasp on any of my physical capabilities. I was an awkward, insecure pre-teen..... who wasn't right?!

Well, like 10 years later I asked for tickets to go see P!nk perform in concert. My dad and step-mom got the tickets for me for Christmas and I was super pumped!!! I had heard great things about P!nk's live performances and who didn't like to rock out to her music?! DUH. Let me tell you...... I left that show with a very similar feeling I had 10 years prior after seeing the circus, but with way more fire inside! I couldn't shut up about how incredibly strong and talented and moving and inspirational and beautiful that woman was! For the first time it hit me...I need to use my talents and strengths and I will also be inspirational. I said to myself, I need to put myself out there and make a difference, make others feel the way I felt leaving these performances. Unlike the amazing people in the incredible acts I saw I knew I couldn't contort my body in a million different directions, I certainly can't sing, and my dancing is limited to a choreographed cheer leading 8-count and maybe a two step/side shuffle at a wedding! I did however know I could challenge myself physically, mentally and emotionally and attempt to learn an art that requires strength, power, balance, coordination, and certainly determination and practice- all of which I have to offer... and BAM aerial acrobatics/aerial dancing.

This adventure would lead me to meet one of the kindest, most honest and true spirited individuals ever- Kiebpoli. With her in my corner I literally feel like I can fly! Meeting an instructor like her has shaped me in so many ways and becoming an aerialist is just one of them. After my first phone conversation with her I knew it was the right fit and if it turned out I totally sucked she would just tell me and our paths would have crossed, but just not continued the long hike we are on now! Luckily I think I have it in me and aerial will be a very important component to my motivational speaking (which is currently in the infant stages of development but really a serious path I am trying to take).

I will continue to post pictures of my aerial here and on Facebook and Instagram because it helps remind me of the transformation and improvements I am making along the way. Thanks so much for staying tuned!
 

Chicken Burgers- garlic quinao and spinach

Recipe Time!!!!!!

There is SO much you can do with ground chicken. It's pretty much going to take on the flavors you are adding in. I always LOVE to have veggies in my homemade burgers, but never tried adding a complex carb like quinoa....came out pretty good, and definitely not dry!

Recipe:
1 package organic low fat ground chicken
1 egg
1 handful (or more or less if you want) of fresh spinach
1 TB crushed garlic
1/2 small onion
1/2 cup garlic flavored quinoa (it's what I had at home but you can use regular quinoa or any other natural flavor as long as there's no added artificial ingredients)

I cooked the quinoa on the stove-top first. 1 1/2 cups boiling water and added the quinoa until liquid was dissolved. Then I put all the other ingredients in a big bowl and mixed it up with my hands- folded in the quinoa last (that's why you don't see it in the bowl!).

Refrigerate the mixture for a few hours and then cook the burgers stove top using some organic virgin coconut oil- it's just a nice change from the extra virgin olive oil I usually use, but you can use either. I made 1/2 cup sized burgers using a measuring cup and just plopped them into the hot pan and pressed them down flat with a spatula.

Cook on one side until "flippable" and brown and then again on the other side until fully cooked through. I served mine with some guacamole on top and veggies on the side (no bun needed!) but I did add some Beanito chips (a bean-base chip with no flour or wheat or corn. You can buy in organic isle at Stop and Shop) for a nice crunch! ENJOY

Meal Prep = Key to successfully eating clean

Everyone has a super busy life. Whether your time be consumed with work, hobbies, family, friends, travel, etc. we all have a schedule and usually one that's not conducive to eating "clean" all the time (or at least most of the time). Let's be honest- it's way easier to grab on the go, eat out rather than cook, or just pick and snack here and there to satisfy hunger and cravings! But I live by the saying below........

Now this isn't entirely the whole case and truth. You can most definitely find inexpensive food that is still high in protein, healthy fats, nutritious and delicious and if you MEAL PREP eating "clean" can be fairly easy! Now you might ask- What does it mean to "eat clean"? To me, clean eating is eating foods that are mostly natural- meaning not added with preservatives and artificial ingredients and that are high in vitamins and minerals and nutrients essential to fueling the body to be the best it can be! We want our food to give us energy, help our bodies recover when stressed, and build our immune system so we can live long, healthy lives! FOOD IS MEDICINE!

SO- Meal Prep....When we plan our meals ahead of time it's much easier to keep track of what we are putting in our bodies and also make sure we are getting all of our essential proteins, fats and carbs. These three things are the building blocks to meal planning. We want to make sure we include all components to get the most complete nutrition and fuel. Now every body is different, we have different goals- weight lose, weight gain, muscle building, etc and our bodies all react to foods differently so I can't just say eat these exact combinations of foods and have them be right for everyone. Just know that including proteins, fats, and carbs into your diet is ESSENTIAL and here are some examples of each.

PROTEINS

1.) Fish tuna (in can, in water is GREAT and inexpensive) salmon, cod, tilapia, shrimp, scallops 

ALL FISH SHOULD BE WILD CAUGHT, NOT FARM RAISED = CHEMICALS

2.) Chicken- boneless/skinless cutlets, whole fresh rotisserie (white meat), ground up, etc

3.) Turkey- breast or ground up 93% or 99% fat free

3.) Soy- milk, edamame, tofu (I personally limit my soy intake)

4.) Red meat- lean cuts in moderation, grass fed is best (I don't eat red meat, I don't like it!)

5.) Eggs 

6.) Whey/hemp protein- powders and bars (I use QuestBars and MaxPro protein powder)

*Beans- also considered to be starchy so a protein/carb source*

*Greek Yogurt (plain, unsweetened) also dairy so I count as a protein/carb source* (I also limit dairy- again personal preference that works for me!)

FATS

1.) Nuts- almonds, cashews, walnuts, etc

2.) Organic natural nut butters (no salt or anything else added)- peanut or almond

3.) Avocados

4.) Oil- coconut or olive oil

Some protein sources also have some healthy omegas like salmon, tuna, etc

CARBS- COMPLEX (long lasting energy)

1.) Sweet potatoes

2.) Oats

3.) Quinoa

4.) Ezikiel or sprouted bread

5.) Brown rice

CARBS- SIMPLE/FIBROUS 

1.) Fruits-berries, grapes, melon, bananas, pineapple (berries are lowest in sugar so I eat them most)

2.) Veggies- spinach, kale, arugula, celery, cucumbers, peppers, broccoli, brussel sprouts, string beans

So above is a nice list of some super "clean" and healthy options! Mix and match to make salads, soups, stir fry, sandwiches/burgers and all sorts of fun meals- options are almost endless! I will post recipes to help you out!!! 

The Key is to COOK AHEAD and Tupperware your food. Once all your chicken breasts are cooked it's super simple to package it up with some salad fixings and take it to go. For the most part you want to eat often enough to keep your metabolism moving. For most, eating every 2 1/2 to 3 hours is sufficient but going longer than 4 hours without fueling your body can cause it to store rather than use whatever you start feeding it. As a rule of thumb you can try and get 5-6 mini meals/snacks in a day. Meals being larger and more filling and snacks to keep you going in between! This may or may not include your pre/post workout shakes or mini meals. Everyone is different and amount of food is highly dependent on your exercise regimes and daily calorie expenditure at rest or (BMR- Basal Metabolic Rate). If you want yours done MaxMuscle in Lodi, NJ will do your for FREE! Stop in and pick up some MaxPro protein powder while you're there (Tiramisus -YUM!) and a FitMark lunch bag! With this bag there are NO EXCUSES.... your meals stay cool, fresh and you always have them with you....I also use mine as a purse for my wallet, phone, keys, etc!

All in all meal prep is what you make of it. It's about planning your meals ahead of time to make sure you never go hungry and are always fueling your body efficiently!

April is National Austism Awareness

Tomorrow is April 1st and kicks off Autism Awareness Month. Being that I used to work with adults with special needs and developmental/intellectual disabilities I take great pride in participating. Some of the most loving, friendly, kind and special people are those with developmental disabilities and I feel super strong about finding ways to make their lives better and lend a helping hand.

My friend, Carla, works in a school serving children with Autism and I will be walking and supporting her in the Walk Now for Autism Speaks on May 18th (along with some other lovely ladies from CKO). The link is here if you want to donate and help out!! If you'd also like to walk please comment below and join the team...the more the merrier!
 http://www.walknowforautismspeaks.org/faf/search/searchTeamPart.asp?ievent=1084970&lis=1&kntae1084970=9C3394FB39E44B6CA2DB13E639040C96&team=5817254&tlteam=0

ALSO.....Invisible Self Piercing in Lyndhurst, NJ is giving 5% of all sales and piercing to Autism Speaks! http://www.invisibleself.com/ This is the link to the website. They are a new place with a great reputation and supporting a fabulous cause.

Lastly, CKO Lyndhurst has a member who is supporting an individual with Autism by selling bracelets for $2. I already bought mine so if you're stopping in for class pick one up too!

If you know of any other places, business, or people with fundraisers or events for Autism Speaks please feel free to comment on this post!!!!! THANK YOU :)

Black and White- a balancing act

Balance-it's one of my greatest strengths and biggest flaws. If you know me well you probably know physically my balance is pretty sick! I can style my hair, brush my teeth, cook a full meal start to finish, clean the house, do laundry, carrying hot beverages, and all other random everyday tasks on one leg. If you know me well you've probably also picked up on my very "black and white" sense of thinking. Either something is or it isn't, I love it or hate it, I'm all in or totally out, my hair is deep red or it's light blonde, long or super short and buzzed! Side note....the buzz undercut definitely seems to fit me and my crazy, extremist personality if I do say so myself!!

 

Back to balance.... or my lack thereof! In essence, it definitely helps drive me and is part of where my deep passion to push forward and never give up comes from, but at the same time it has been such a hindering on my ability to balance my life out in many aspects.

As mentioned before, I struggled with an eating disorder in high school, literally starved myself to achieve an unrealistic idea of what would make me "happy", never got there (because it was impossible and not real!), vicious cycle repeated, missed senior year, was stuck in a rehab center- miserable, kept persisting until I finally realized I was faced with an ultimatum....I can continue to live in complete psychotic "control" (or so I thought) over every single calorie that goes into my mouth and every single pound lost until I wore an altered size 0 and in return continue to also lose touch with every person and positive thing in my life- my boyfriend (who I am still madly in love with 9 years later), my family, my friends, my health, my studies, my independence (because who the hell trusted I was going to take care of myself), and so much more.

Luckily I chose to ditch the real scale completely and find a way to balance my life and become a healthier, happier person. At first I did it for everyone else but myself, but soon later realized I was also worth the work I put in. I also realized the less I try to control the uncontrollable, the happier I am. Balance was always hard for me. My mom says "I see only black and white, there is no gray area" and I'm okay with that as long as I can reign myself in when I know the scale of life is shifting way too much to one end. This is probably why I'm in love with a Libra, whose zodiac symbol is a glyph or scale! HAHA. Dan is definitely my balance and without him I fall off the deep end! Good thing I'm a Pisces (twin fish) so I am an amazing swimmer! OK enough, sorry!

Finally, at age 24 I feel like I can see my life as a jigsaw puzzle. From afar, it looks like a huge, intimidating mess, but if I start to pick up pieces one at at time and try to make a single match it just seems to slowly come together. I can't finish it in one sitting, I will definitely need extra helping hands and it's totally okay to walk away and come back later with a clear head and a new perspective. My jigsaw of a life is work in progress, a balancing act, and an unfinished masterpiece I need others to help me complete. I can't control the process, I can't rush the process it's just going to all work out.

To wear headphones or not to wear headphone... That is the question.

Answer: totally doesn't matter!

When lifting at the gym it does not matter if I wear headphones or not. Still got a marriage proposal. SCORE.... My push-ups really must be that awesome :)

Grocery shopping...craving carbs = FOOD POST

OK. So as many of you know I LOVE FOOD....but healthy food that's also delicious and nutritious! I am passionate about nourishing the body and fueling it for all the amazing things our bodies do everyday. In the past I've been like "eat to survive!" and undernourished myself (not a good thing!) then I was like "Eat! Eat! Eat! Just because you can!"(still not a good thing!) and now I'm like "Eat to fuel the body and eat to fuel the mind" basically meaning 1. Eat because, well you have to in order to survive and feel strong and energized! and 2. Eating should be enjoyable, fun and delicious.

I could give you all my boring pointers on food like when and how to pair complex carbs with lean proteins, my take on dairy and milk, protein shakes/supplements and all that jazz but you're not all one of my PT clients--if you really want my two cents I'd gladly give it to you, just not here ;) haha! SO instead I will post some of my "Creatively Clean Eats" which I have created a board for on Pinterest.

SO since I just ate a version of my Chia Seed Pudding with a scoop of plain Greek yogurt topped with KIND granola I will start with the basis of Chia Pudding. Plus the health benefits of Chia seeds are amazing!!! http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-7928/the-amazing-health-benefits-of-chia-seeds.html

Looks totally gross, tastes totally good! This is Chia Pudding with organic powered chocolate pb

4TB Chia seeds + almond milk refrigerated over night + 1 TB organic powered chocolate pb

Just add a few scoops of Chia seeds (my Chia seeds come with a scooper otherwise do about 4 TB which I read is the recommended daily serving for maximum benefits of Chia seeds) in some unsweetened vanilla almond milk or coconut/almond milk- whatever you prefer. Obviously anything with coconut will taste like coconut verse the vanilla or plain which is a little more bland. As long as it's UNSWEETENED your all good! I usually don't measure the almond milk I just add it in so it completely covers the seeds with some more liquid than seeds....say maybe 1/2 cup?? I usually make a bunch of pudding at once and use it throughout the week because it doesn't go bad quickly! Then I scoop it out and mix it with some plain Greek yogurt and spice it up- it's like eating a dessert!

Chia seeds absorb liquid very easily due to the amount of fibers in them and are very bland so they take on whatever flavor your adding in. You'll want to refrigerate your Chia seeds in the almond milk in a Tupperware over night or at least a few hours. When you're ready to eat it, mix it up real good to distribute the liquid and puffed up seeds evenly and add more almond/coconut milk if needed. This is your plain Chia Pudding! Now you can get creative!!!!

Chia pudding additives:

 Half a banana and some chopped walnuts

Just Great Stuff organic powered peanut butter (1 TB)

Organic regular peanut or almond butter

1 scoop protein powder (whatever flavor you like)

Mashed up raspberries, strawberries or blueberries

Shredded coconut flakes (unsweetened)

KIND granola

Plain Greek yogurt
Honey
Cocoa powder
Pure extracts like coffee, almond, vanilla, mint
ANY OTHER IDEAS PLEASE COMMENT :)

CKO Kickboxing of Totowa- building strength and CONFIDENCE

Back in 2010ish, I think? I started working for CKO Kickboxing. Basically I was in college, living alone in an apartment (with much financial help and support from my parents!) but still needed a purpose (I like to work!) and some extra cash of course. A friend of mine from the job I was currently working at found their ad on Craigslist for a sales rep, made me apply (THANKS MARIA) and the rest is history.

 I'll never forget when I met my boss, Mauricio, for the interview and of course it was up a big flight of stairs. Red in the face, I had to explain why it took me forever to climb them one foot at at time and then left totally dumbfounded as to whether he liked me or hated me.... plus I am applying to sell a gym membership to kickbox, which I have never done before nor really knew if I even could do myself! Later that night my other boss, Joe, called and offered me the job on the spot. He asked when I could start, not if I definitely wanted the position so it was just meant to be!

Selling memberships meant I needed to know what I was selling.....right?! The afternoon Mauricio told me I had to take a class instead of just watching one to really get the gist of what I was offering our prospects I laughed and was like "ummm for real?" I had zero confidence in my ability to take one of these high intensity, full body, up and down, kicking, punching, squatting, push-up, sprawling, trying to SURVIVE cardio-kickboxing classes. BUT my boss told me I had to sooooooo I showed up for his 5:45am class. NO I was not so super-motivated that I woke up at the ass crack of dawn to take my very first class.....rather, I knew there was probably only about 6-12 other individuals up that early to exercise so I could hide really well and try to "blend in"....something I have never done well whether that be a blessing or a curse it's just never been me to "blend in".....

Anyway I started out right foot in front of left (totally wrong!) and couldn't do one pushup...not even ONE. And roundhouse kicks?! That meant using my weak leg (the left one DUH!) to balance so I can kick with my right.... I am dooooooommmmeeed I thought, but I am still here to tell the tale :)

Lucky for me, Mauricio didn't want their sales rep to completely SUCK at taking class so he worked with me afteward. A little confidence boost there (Thanks M!!) along with a whole lot of practice I got my stance right (left in front of right), roundhouse right, squat, and could eventually push-up with ease...upper body strength is clearly my bread and butter....PS ewwwww to bread and butter! I'm also a super health food freak and love posting my creations which are all healthy, creative and delicious food I make...you'll get a taste of that too!! No pun intended :)

OK so long story even longer..... I was an avid kickboxer and who didn't wanna buy a membership from the girl with one leg taking class with them?! I mean come on if you didn't sign up you were letting yourself get beat out by the one leg chic! JUST KIDDING...but it was a great convo starter!

After seriously getting myself motivated, wanting a better and stronger body (I struggled with an eating disorder in high school which I will talk about later on) and feeling supported by everyone in the gym I asked if teaching classes was in my future. Never counting me out, Joe and Mauricio worked with me until I was ready and BAM! AK (above the knee amputee) Kickboxing instructor at your service :)

Intro to ME and why I'm here

If you're reading this please excuse the disorganization and mess of my ideas, emotions, stories, etc. But also, THANK YOU for reading because what I have to say is real and honest and if it can change one life or one attitude or outlook on life for one individual in ONE positive way then I have done my purpose!

I am a left leg amputee. Born with PFFD (Proximal Femoral Focal Deficiency) and Coxivera of the hip (is that spelt correctly?). Basically.. I'm missing my femur completely and my tibia and fibula are all discombobulated and hip was majorly dysfunctional... AKA I'm a physiological mess, not to mention I have my psychological disasters as well- who doesn't right?! I have had 2 amputations, one when I was under a year old and another at age 13. Also, my hip was completely reconstructed at age 8 so it moves more efficiently and I can walk much easier. All surgeries successful thanks to the Dupont Institute Children's Hospital in Wilmington, Delaware and Dr. Shanmuga Jayakumar.

Anwayssssssss..... It has taken me 24 years to finally realize that although I am "disabled" I am really anything but! I have my demons, many of them, which I do plan on sharing with you all...but more importantly I have found a light in the end of the dark tunnel and want to let the world know that there is hope for anyone and everyone with their own demons (physical or emotional) and I am living proof!

This blog will continue to follow my new endeavors, struggles, successes, failures, exercise routines, RECIPES (I love food!) and so much more....it will be emotional and hopefully motivational and if nothing else maybe hysterical because I love making people laugh! I always say if you can't laugh about it, you'll probably cry or scream about it and we all look a little cuter smiling than crying- well at least I hope so :)